Mr. Marvin L. Chapman - Dedicated Fathers

Mr. Marvin L. Chapman

Author/Creator of Dedicated Fathers
President of United Fathers of America
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC27081)
Clinical Forensic Couselor (F16841)
Certified Collaborative Divorce Coach

www.unitedfathers.org

www.dedicatedfathers.org


Mr. Marvin L. Chapman has over 25 years of experience both inside and outside of the family court system. He has been involved in thousands of cases and has developed a working professional relationship with the courts, facilitator's offices, Legal Aid Society, Department of Social Services, Department of Child Support Services, private attorneys, forensic professionals, private therapists, and many others. This lifetime of knowledge and experience is what Marvin draws upon when assisting parents who are going through the family court process. It is Marvin's passion and his joy to share his knowledge and experience with others.

Marvin Chapman's full professional resume and biography can be viewed by clicking on the following link:
Marvin's Bio

www.dedicatedfathers.org

divorce mediation part 5 - recommendation

DIVORCE MEDIATION
Part 5
Recommendation Mediation

BY: Marvin Chapman & Dedicated Fathers
www.dedicatedfathers.org
www.unitedfathers.org


Court Connected Mandatory Mediation - Recommendation Mediation

If your County Mediation office IS NOT confidential, meaning they do make a recommendation to the court, then listen closely...

Be very careful. Everything you say, every thing you do (or do not do), every action, every reaction, every statement or lack of statement, can and will be used against you by the mediator in their recommendation to the court.

Why? Because mediators are people with similar biases, prejudices, preconceived notions, belief in stereotypes and other dysfunctions - just like normal people. It is extremely unfortunate confidentiality is not mandated because in recommendation mediation, any and all of any particular mediators’ biases, prejudices, stereotypes and preconceived notions will have an effect on their “recommendation” to the court - a recommendation which the court will almost always follow.

If mediation is not confidential then you will need to dress, walk, talk and act as if you are in front of the judge. You will want to present your reasons and explanations for what you are asking without making disparaging remarks about the other parent and without the need to justify your reasons. This is a time to show how you can stay out of the garbage pit of emotions, time to show you can stay focused on the best interests of your children, and time to demonstrate how you plan on making your parenting plan work for all concerned.

Remember, if mediation is not confidential, then everything - and I mean everything -can be and will be subjectively evaluated by the mediator. The mediator’s subjective evaluation, including all of their biases, prejudices, preconceived notions and stereotype beliefs, will impact their recommendation to the court.

This is the time and place to demonstrate your friendliness, the openness from which you are willing to deal in mediation, and your pleasant personality in getting along with the other parent, all of which will go a long way towards warming the mediator to your way of thinking.

BY: Marvin Chapman

www.dedicatedfathers.org

Start defending your rights today with the Dedicated Fathers Audio Series!

divorce mediation (part 4) - confidential mediation

DIVORCE MEDIATION (PART 4)

Court Connected Mandatory Mediation - Confidential Mediation


Part 4 of an ongoing article on Divorce Mediation
By: Marvin Chapman & Dedicated Fathers
www.dedicatedfathers.org

More divorce related info

In California, if child custody or visitation are being contested, both parents must attend court connected mandatory divorce mediation. However, not all of the counties follow the requirement of confidential mediation. You will want to check with your local family court mediation department as to whether or not they follow the requirements of confidential mediation.

There may be no court connected mandatory mediation process in your state. To find out about your state requirements, check with your local family court personnel.

If you reside in California, or If your state has court connected mandatory mediation, you will want to discover whether such divorce mediation is confidential or recommendation based. If your mediation is confidential mediation, then feel free to express yourself fully to the mediator as to what you believe is in your children’s best interests.

In mediation, as in life, treat the other parent as you would want to be treated. Mediation will generally work out better for you if you do not use the process to try to heal your hurts and pains of the break up of your relationship.

You will want to take to your mediation appointment a written parenting plan outlining exactly what you believe is the best parenting plan for your children. Remember, this is mediation, not court. However, just like in court, you will seldom get everything you want from mediation. I typically tell my clients if you get 80% or better of what you are asking for, take it - it will probably be better than rolling the dice with the judge.

On the other hand, if you are getting less than 80%, then you are probably better off taking your issues to the judge. This suggestion is based solely on my experience with United Fathers of America for over 25 years, and my experience as a mediator in the Los Angeles County Mediation and Conciliation Courts.

BY: Marvin Chapman

Put Marvin Chapman’s knowledge and experience to work for you!

www.dedicatedfathers.org

Order the Dedicated Fathers Audio Series Today!

(continued)

divorce mediation part 3 - court connected

DIVORCE MEDIATION (PART 3)
Court Connected Mandatory Mediation

Part 3 of an ongoing article on Divorce Mediation
By: Marvin Chapman & Dedicated Fathers
www.dedicatedfathers.org
www.unitedfathers.org


Many states now have court connected mandatory divorce mediation (sometimes referred to as conciliation or conciliation court - meaning an agreement under friendly terms). Court mandated divorce mediation is a non-adversarial process where a neutral third party meets with the disputing parents to assist them in settling their issues and coming to an agreement.

Court mediator’s are mental health professionals who typically have at least a Masters Degree, with extensive experience in the field of marriage, family and child counseling and/or social work. Mediators are specifically trained in conflict resolution skills and the process of mediation. Court mandated divorce mediators are court employees not paid by either party. They assist the parents in focusing on the best interests of their children, to deal with the present situation and developing plans to deal with that situation.

One of the main ideas of mandatory mediation is to help the parents see the positive issues each parent comes up with, without blaming or shaming the other parent. Although the needs of the children come first, mediation is also sensitive to the needs of both parents.

The primary purpose of mandatory court connected mediation is to allow the parents the time and opportunity to develop their own agreements before direct court intervention is necessary. This process frees up the court’s time, which is already at a premium.

Although mandated to go to divorce mediation, the parties are not mandated to actually mediate and certainly are not mandated to come to any agreements - unless they want to.

Mandatory court connected mediation is NOT marriage counseling or reconciliation counseling designed to get the parents back together.

My background is in just such a mediation setting. In the early 80's I was a court mediator in the downtown Los Angeles Conciliation Court. Based on that experience, I offer the following to you:

In mediation, as in all areas of your life, act, do not react, to the situation. Personal attacks and character assassinations are neither warranted nor productive. You are in mediation to talk about the needs and your interpretation of the best interests of your children, which will include your desires as to a parenting plan and child custody. You are NOT there to “settle the score” with the other parent.

If you sense you are being verbally chastised or abused during the divorce mediation process, it is up to you to ensure such actions are stopped. Reacting to that type of behavior will only escalate the behavior and serve to sabotage any meaningful mediation or negotiation. If the verbal abuse or chastisement continues, excuse yourself and leave the mediation room. Thank the mediator for their time and explain to them that you are not there to settle old relationship issues and that you personally have no need to sit there and take verbal abuse, accusations, threats or derogatory comments.

You have the inalienable right (a right which may not be taken away or transferred to another person) to personal boundaries of behavior which are acceptable to you and you do not give up those rights just because you are in Court Connected Mandatory Mediation.

There are two types of Court Connected Mandatory Mediation. Some court’s allow for totally confidential mediation wherein if the party’s do not make an agreement, all that happened in the mediation process is kept confidential and away from the court. Other court’s allow for a recommendation mediation policy wherein at the conclusion of the mediation process, the mediator makes a recommendation to the court as to what the mediator sees as being the best solution for the family. In future articles I will explain the basic differences between confidential mediation and recommendation mediation.

(continued)

BY: Marvin Chapman

Visit us at www.dedicatedfathers.org

Order your copy of Dedicated Fathers Today!

Divorce Mediation part 2

DIVORCE MEDIATION (Part 2)

Voluntary Mediation

Part 2 of an ongoing article on Divorce Mediation
By: Marvin Chapman & Dedicated Fathers
www.dedicatedfathers.org
www.unitedfathers.org


Voluntary divorce mediation is a process in which a skilled intermediary helps couples arrive at a mutually satisfactory and amicable agreement without judicial interference through effective communication, exploration of viable options and alternatives, negotiations and compromise. It is a problem solving process in which parents are encouraged to be open and direct in their conversation styles to lessen the chance of misunderstandings and distortions.

The divorce mediation process facilitates a change in parental interactions from the competitive and destructive win-lose mentality of the adversarial system, to a more cooperative problem-solving process. Underlining the success of the mediation process is a set of beliefs:

The belief that there is a mutually acceptable solution to every situation;

­The belief that both parents desire a mutually acceptable solution;

­The belief that cooperation instead of confrontation will produce mutually acceptable solutions;

­The belief that both parents are valuable and have insights and notions which are worthy to be heard and considered; and

­The belief that some solutions will need to transcend both parents special interests and concerns because those solutions are better for the restructuring family as a whole.

A divorce mediator sees the family as being in a restructuring process, where all parties are going through a reorganizing life event and simply need assistance in coming up with their own solutions. Not surprisingly, research has found that parents are much more likely to follow their own mediate settlement plan than parents who try to settle their differences through the adversarial system.

Mediation allows for the shift of attention from past relationship issues to current and future custodial and parenting plan issues. It provides parents the opportunity to resolve their issues among themselves without the adversarial process tearing them apart emotionally and financially.

The mediation process typically has five (5) phases which follow below:
First Phase: Initially there are the obligatory introductions and a basic orientation to the mediation process and procedures, the setting of ground rules and the outlining of initial joint goals. During this First Phase the nonthreatening environment boundaries are established. It is during this First Phase that the divorce mediator joins with both parents and establishes trust with each of them.

Second Phase: During this phrase the parties start sharing relevant information about their specific issues. This disclosure process allows the mediator to understand the family dynamics and the level of family functioning. During this stage, the wants, needs, desires and goals of both parents are presented and some explanations allowed as to why those issues are so important to that parent.

Third Phase: This is where the real work (the art of mediation as I call it) truly begins. During this phase the parties start working through issues, practice active listening, learn to compromise, and learn to negotiate without losing their personal power.

Fourth Phase: During this phase, the initial agreements are drafted into tentative agreements for both parents to visually see what their agreements look like on paper in legalese (court language). These initial agreements are then discussed and defined further.

Fifth Phase: During this final phase the divorce agreement is reviewed and approved by the respective attorneys, refined and modified as needed and then finalized by the parents.

Mediation will work for motivated parents. Parents who do not want a third disinterested party (the judge) to make decisions about their lives and the lives of their children. However, it also takes a fairly mature parent to actually come to an agreement. Putting aside hurt feelings and the desire to get even, not attempting to pay back the other parent for their perceived wrongs, and other such feelings and notions must be put on the back burner for mediation to work. For those who can make mediation work, it is far better than allowing a disinterested and totally uninvolved judge from making so many serious decisions about your family and your restructuring process.

Divorce mediation will typically save you a lot of money in attorney fees and time off work for court appearances (many mediating sessions are done in the evenings, after normal working hours). It will also save on the emotional and other stressors that typically go along with the adversarial process.

Mediation is part education. In many cases you and the ex will learn new ways of communicating and new ways to work out problem areas - ways which will assist you is settling future disputes without the need for the adversarial court process. As stated earlier, studies have also shown that mediated agreements are more likely to be followed by both parents and therefore less disruptions for the children, now and into the future.

Mediation is generally accepted as being successful to the extent it results in a voluntary settlement which is accepted as equitable by both parties, their attorneys and the mediator.

By: Marvin Chapman
www.dedicatedfathers.org
Set your self up for success!
Order Dedicated Fathers Today!