Mediation & Collaborative approach as compared to the Adversarial Divorce approach

Mediation and Collaborative Approaches as Compared to the Adversarial Approach

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In the adversarial approach, the definition of the issues is primarily determined by the attorneys. In mediation and collaborative approaches, the issues are defined by the parents. In the adversarial approach, the legal framework for the action is John vs Jane, the emphasis is on the individual. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the legal framework for the action is John and Jane, the emphasis is on the couple and their reorganizing and restructuring family.

In the adversarial approach, the parents relationship is focused on past issues, blaming, shaming, mistrust and revenge. In mediation and collaborative approaches, the parents relationship is focused on restructuring family issues, reorganizing styles of communication, and cooperation. The parents relationship creates conflicts with their children, loyalties are divided and rewards are received for alienating the children against the other parent - creating adjustment problems for the children. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the parents relationship focuses on preserving both parents’ relationships with their children.

In the adversarial approach, the court decides the parenting plan (regardless of the fact the judge has no idea what is best for this family). In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the parents decide the best parenting plan for them and their restructuring family. In the adversarial approach, the expense to the parents can be and typically is enormous. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the expense is less, and many time times much less - thereby allowing the restructuring family to keep control over more of their assets.

In the adversarial approach, the time to conclusion can be extensive (after all, more time means more money for the attorneys). In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the time to conclusion is almost totally controlled by the parents. There is usually no confidentiality and the issues are open for public exposure. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, there is total confidentiality and the issues are not open for public exposure.

In the adversarial approach, the goal and desired outcome is to win at all costs, giving in as little as possible to gain as much as possible from the judge. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the goal and desired outcome is to come to a fair, reasonable, equitable and mutually acceptable agreement as determined by the restructuring family.

With the adversarial approach, adherence to the terms of the court order is far from certain and typically will create the atmosphere of even more mistrust, which results in even more court hearings in the future. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, adherence to the terms of the agreement are far more likely since the terms of the agreement were negotiated and agreed upon by the parents themselves, therefore lessening the chances of returning for additional court hearings in the future.

By: Marvin Chapman
www.unitedfathers.org
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