Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Dedicated Fathers, child custody, and Divorce

Dear Friend,

Since you are reading this, chances are, you, a close friend, or maybe even a family member are involved in the family court process, child custody battle, or engaged in a divorce. I want to assure you first and are not alone.

Odds are you have been thrown into a world you do not understand. I have been where you are and I do understand. As someone who went through an emotional divorce process and child custody battle over 25 years ago, I understand just how confusing, frustrating and uncertain your divorce will be. For me, it was the hardest time of my life. I was frustrated, hurt, confused, and very anxious. I had no idea where to begin,and I had no idea what I was up against. I felt lost and alone.

Then, I met Mr. Rod Bivings, a father who started the childrens rights organization “United Fathers of America.” Rod too had been a Dedicated Father - a daddy who had been relegated to a visiting figure in his own kids’ lives. As he called it, he was “visiting uncle” to his kids, no longer viewed as a daddy even to his own children.

Rod gave me the education and information I needed to understand child custody issues and my fathers rights. He demystified the family court process and prepared me to confront my child custody issues, and my divorce. But more importantly, Rod helped me understand I was no longer alone, just as I am here now letting you know…you are not alone.

Having said all of that, I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to not only helping other parents organize their cases, but also helping them stay involved in all aspects of their children’s lives. As you read about Dedicated Fathers, let me reassure you again, YOU ARE NOT ALONE - there are thousands of other Dedicated Fathers out there just like you - just as anxious, just as scared about their futures, and just as confused by a system that constantly appears to be working against them.

With over 25 years of experience in the trenches, I have assisted tens of thousands of dedicated parents navigate through the maze of the family court system. Over eighty-percent (80%) of all family court litigants represent themselves. The Dedicated Fathers audio book series is a low cost alternative to high priced attorneys. There is no other self-help source in the marketplace that encompasses, not only the family court system, but also equally important, the emotional needs of both parents and children during the family restructuring process.

What kind of people represent themselves in Family Court?

Most people represent themselves because they can’t afford an attorney. Some people
represent themselves because they have been represented by attorneys in the past
and believe they can represent their own interests. The reality is many cases do
require an attorney. Use your best judgment and some guidelines to determine the
best course for your case. Remember….whether you hire an attorney or not, it is your
responsibility to keep your case organized and to keep yourself up to date.

The Dedicated Fathers Audio CD Series will teach you about how the Family Court system is designed to exaggerate and exacerbate any difficult situation between you and the other parent. How it REQUIRES both parents to tear the other apart. How it can take on a life of its own, and how it totally destroys family values - yet sustains itself because it is a multi-billion dollar business. You heard me right, family law is a multi-billion dollar industry in America.
Family court is all about money.

The Dedicated Fathers Audio CD Series will show you that information is power, and that you will need all the power you can get. It will give you the education and information you need to make the right decisions for your situation, it will place you in a more powerful position when confronting the adversarial family court system. You will clearly see that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

The Dedicated Fathers audio series, will help to empower you to confront the family court system. The seven CD audio series contains over 7 hours of invaluable information from my 25 years of experience in the family court system. You will be not only be equipped with the necessary information to even the tilted scales in court, but you will actually minimize the amount you will spend on an attorney...which you may need...and is one of the most expensive parts of the process.

A family law specialist attorney will cost you $300 per hour or perhaps, even more. I know this audio program and workbook will save you far more than just one (1) hour of time with your attorney. In fact, this program will pay for itself and help you choose the right attorney, which in itself will probably save you not only money, but time, energy and frustration as well.

Think about it, for less than the cost of one hour with a family law specialist, you can have the education and information constantly at your fingertips to empower you to take charge of you and your children’s future. Presenting yourself, your family information, and your case history in an organized and easy to understand manner to your attorney and to the court is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Why pay an attorney thousands of dollars to extract information from you about your case? Why not have a detailed case history ready to present to your attorney? This audio series will inform you on everything from how to dress in court, to what to do if your spouse is making false statements about you.

I have assisted thousands of families over the years and it has been my passion to share my experiences, my knowledge, and the information that I know will help you and your case. I know this series will help you better understand the family court system and guide you through the maze of the family court process.

You now have an idea of what you are facing, which leads us back to purpose of
The Dedicated Fathers Audio Book Series: To give you education and information based on my over 25 years of experience of working both inside and outside of the adversarial family court system.

Education and Information are necessary companions when going to battle within the Family Court system. Education about the family court process is the first step in regaining control of our lives and taking charge of our futures. Information about the family court system is essential to being successful, just as information about our jobs is essential to being successful at work.

Education - Education about the family court process to help you to regain control over your life and to assist you in taking charge of your future and your children’s future with you.
Information - Information about the family court system which will assist you, in being successful in your attempts for justice, fairness and equitable treatment within the family court system.

As a therapist, I can tell you research has shown that the death of an immediate family member is the number one most stressful event in a persons life.

Believe it or not, the second most stressful event in a persons life is involvement in the adversarial family court process.

And the third most stressful event in a persons life is a radical change of employment.

Let me give you an example:

I had a client whom I will call Bill. Bill came to me after being served divorce papers from his wife. They had 2 small children, about 5 and 7 years old. Regardless of the relationship between Bill and his wife, Bill had always been a very dedicated father. The divorce papers included an order that Bill was to leave the family home by 7:00 PM that night, and that he could not return to the family home. Therefore, within 24 hours, Bill went from being a husband and a father, to being kicked out of his house, and out of his children’s lives. Bill then had to take time off of work due to meetings with his attorney, court appearances, depositions, and other family court requirements. He missed so much work that his employer eventually fired him.

Now Bill was not only hit with the family court process, the 2nd most stressful time in a persons life, he was also hit with a radical change of employment, the 3rd most stressful time in a persons life. In less than a 4 month period of time, Bill was now confronting 2 of the top 3 life stressors a person will face. Through the months of the family court process, Bill was eventually allowed visitation with his children. Child support and all of the other issues were eventually settled; HOWEVER, by the time it was over - Bill was no longer the same person. He had gone from a 24 / 7 husband, father, provider and protector - to an unemployed, deeply hurt, angry and frustrated man.

Like Bill, your involvement in the adversarial family court system will include a roller-coaster ride of emotions (some of which you may have never experienced before), in addition there will be financial constraints and stresses, there will be the strain of trying to balancing your home, your work, and your need to be an active participant in your family court case.

Involvement in the adversarial family court system not only includes the confusing and mystical legal processes and procedures, it involves an entire system which is built and sustained on making your relationship with the other parent worse, not better. This will not be an easy time. When you come out of the family court process, you will clearly understand why your involvement in a divorce and child custody case are the second most stressful event you will ever experience.

In all of my experience I have found it is imperative that fathers stay true to themselves, never compromising their integrity or moral values which are sometimes lost while navigating the family court system. The Family Court System doesn’t care about you...and neither does your attorney...what they do care about is getting as much money out of you as possible.

Many of the anxious and confused feelings we experience are caused by a family court system that does not operate by any rules which we have previously experienced. The family court system is a world unto its own, with its own rules and procedures. The most difficult facet of this new world is that the judge in family court is given wide discretionary powers unlike any other judge in any other area of law. In family court, there is nothing to stop the biases, prejudices, and personal beliefs of the judge from influencing their decisions.

Remember Bill, who we talked about earlier who had gone from a 24/7 husband, father, provider and protector - to an unemployed, deeply hurt, angry and frustrated man? Bill had come into my office after being totally devastated by the system. We worked on rehabilitating his image and his case for court. We did some case management and case history organization. We then outlined a game plan and took our plan to an attorney.

I also counseled with Bill to help turn his thinking around. Armed with information and education, Bill’s thinking went from victim or reactive, to confident and pro-active. With this new way of thinking and a more positive attitude, Bill was able to find a new better paying job. Bill was one of the lucky ones. Lucky because he gained the information and education he needed to put himself in a more powerful position, both with his family court case, and with his new employment.

Bill had endured. He had not given up. He discovered he was not alone.
Like Bill…………you are no longer alone.

A Dedicated Father


Anonymous said...

My name is Sean. I am a 36 year old father of one beautiful 7 year old girl. I have been fighting for the right to be her father for about four years now. First I had to fight the false accusations that my ex wife made of me and once I had jumped through all the hoops that the court of Orange county CA had thrown at me, I was awarded ( all though I think I was punished for being male ) less than 20 % physical custody. Though I did not know it at the time, my EX ( with her new man) decided to buy a house in AZ. I then had no choice but to spend money that I did not have and get loans to pay for a lawyer. At first it looked like I would be able to keep my daughter here in CA, but then the powers that be decided to take my judge and put her in a different department and out of family law, one week before the hearing. We were given a new judge. The hearing was to determine what a 730 evaluation conclusion was and decide if the move was in the best interest of the child. In court with the new judge, she said that she was not familiar with our case and that she would look at it between her other cases and would then listen to our cases that we would present. Well to make a long story short the new judge said at the end of the day, and without letting me present my case, that she did not care what the 730 evaluation said and that she was going to let the mother take the child to AZ. and what was worse was that the judge said that the mother could do this on the first of the next month, witch was four days away. The heart break and pain that I felt was unbelievable. I had only felt this way one other time in my life and that was when I had to watch my dad move out of the house when my mother served him with divorce papers. Up until this day that was the worst day of my life.Then to top it all off and to rube salt in my wounds the judge said that I could have web cam visitation to make up the physical visitation that I was loosing. I don't know what other people think of this web cam thing, but it is the most awful thing in the world. For one you cant hug or kiss you child, you cant hold them when they have a bad day and it is so difficult to keep a young child interested long enough to make the visitation worth it. Especially when the other parent constantly interrupts during the visitation. IE. walks in and starts talking to the child, or even fights with the child. After the move there were sever instances of being late on drop offs and several missed weekend visitations. and then in the Summer my child's mother came in the middle of the night with the police, while my child was at her grandparent visiting, and took my child. she had showed the police an old custody order and that was for when the mother was still living here in CA, and convinced the police that I was trying to hide my daughter from her. Even though I had sent a E-mail telling the mother where the child was and the number in which the mother could reach her at, one week in advance. My lawyer and I then did an ex party to try to get custody of my daughter. The hearing was postponed three time due to the judge calling in sick once and once to the mothers lawyer having a scheduling conflict. Once we did get into the court room the judge the said that she did not have the time to hear the case that day and again postponed it. But unannounced to me by the court and my lawyer, before we got into the court to try our case the judge had ruled that there was no case and then ruled with the mother on shortening my custody five more day in the year. And now it has been a week and a half since this ruling and I have only talked to my daughter once. and that was the day after the court date.

So here I am now, I haven't talked to or seen my daughter for over a week. The mother has turned off her phone and I now have no way to get in contact with either of them. I fired my lawyer and now I feel that I am lost.

The only hope that I have now is to go after the courts for there incompetence. I would like to know if there are any other fathers in Orange County California that feel that they have been victimized in a similar way. I am thinking of starting a class action law suit against the court. Fathers can contact me at

Anonymous said...

you dads gonna sprout some breasts and start breast feeding too, how about popping that baby out of your body? should we start throwing baby showers for men too? get real

Anonymous said...

Hey nice looking blog but it is a little funky looking in my K-meleon internet browser. Looks good otherwise! Cheers, ask a question to a lawyer online

Lonnie Spargo said...

A father doesn't have to transform into a mother just to prove that he is a good parent. They have rights too. Without them, you can't call it a family or a home.