Mr. Marvin L. Chapman
Author/Creator of Dedicated Fathers
President of United Fathers of America
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC27081)
Clinical Forensic Couselor (F16841)
Certified Collaborative Divorce Coach
www.unitedfathers.org
www.dedicatedfathers.org
Mr. Marvin L. Chapman has over 25 years of experience both inside and outside of the family court system. He has been involved in thousands of cases and has developed a working professional relationship with the courts, facilitator's offices, Legal Aid Society, Department of Social Services, Department of Child Support Services, private attorneys, forensic professionals, private therapists, and many others. This lifetime of knowledge and experience is what Marvin draws upon when assisting parents who are going through the family court process. It is Marvin's passion and his joy to share his knowledge and experience with others.
Marvin Chapman's full professional resume and biography can be viewed by clicking on the following link:
Marvin's Bio
www.dedicatedfathers.org
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Mr. Marvin L. Chapman - Dedicated Fathers
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Divorce Mediation
MEDIATION
Part 1 of an ongoing article on Divorce Mediation
By: Marvin Chapman & Dedicated Fathers
http://www.dedicatedfathers.org
There are basically two (2) types of divorce mediation:
Voluntary Mediation and Court Connected Mandatory Mediation.
An overview and general outline of both types of mediation are presented below.
Voluntary Mediation
Generally, at any time you and the other parent have the right to enter into voluntary divorce mediation. Voluntary mediation is where you voluntarily (without any mandates from the court or any other source) take your family court issues to an independent third (3rd) party who is has been specifically trained in the art of mediation and negotiation. The primary function of an independent divorce mediator is to assist you and the other parent in coming to compromised agreements, which are then prepared into court approved documents, which then become court orders.
Court Connected Mandatory Mediation
The second type of mediation is court connected mandatory mediation. This mediation is set up by the family courts and you are mandated by the court to attend. Mediators in court connected mandatory mediation offices are generally professional divorce mediators hired by the court to help parents come up with their own agreements, typically dealing only with custody and visitation issues. There are generally two (2) types of court connected mandatory mediation –
Confidential mediation and Recommendation mediation.
Confidential Mediation
Confidential Mediation is where all that is said and done within the mediation session is kept confidential. There court will never hear what was specifically said or done within the mediation sessions.
Recommendation Mediation
Unlike confidential mediation, in recommendation mediation the divorce mediators actually make custody and visitation recommendations directly to the court. Everything that was said and all behaviors exhibited during the mediation sessions are open for the mediator to interpret, judge and comment upon in open court.
Personal Note: I find it very hard to believe divorce mediators within the recommendation mediation model have the audacity to believe they can learn the dynamics of a particular family and become so familiar with the functioning of that family to the degree they are able to ethically make an intelligent recommendation about what is best for that family. I personally believe this is one of clearest forms of abuse which families are subjected to within the adversarial family court system.
www.dedicatedfathers.org
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Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Your Divorce or Child Custody Plan
WHAT YOU MAY WANT TO DO (or not do)
IF YOU SUSPECT A DIVORCE OR PATERNITY ACTION
MAY HAPPEN AGAINST YOU
www.dedicatedfathers.org
If you have never been involved in the family court system I can tell you the experience will leave you confused, frustrated and anxious. I have assisted in thousands of cases in the last 25 years, therefore I have learned a lot about the “game” of family court. Below is a list of the significant bullet points which I have gleamed from my years of experience at United Fathers of America. Not all of the bullet points will benefit every person, but every person will benefit by reviewing all of the bullet points. Each reader will need to determine which points are critical for their situation. Again, your primary job is to make decisions about your life. The bullet points below are presented to assist you in making those decisions.
WARNING: Different states have different laws as to what you can and cannot do AFTER a divorce or paternity action has been filed and served. Therefore, the following information is provided as general information for the reader to consider upon the happening of the contingencies as noted. In other words, there may be some things you will want to consider doing BEFORE any papers are filed and restrictions are then placed on what you can and can not do. The following is not a substitute for sound legal advice, it is intended solely to produce critical issues for the reader to consider.
1. You may not want to listen to family, friends or co-workers.
Family, friends and co-workers have an emotional relationship with you. Although well intentioned, their information is based on their experience - not yours. Typically, if you get too excited, they will bring you back down with stories of how hard it can be. Likewise, if you get too depressed, they will lift your up with success stories. In family law, you need sound objective and unemotional answers to your real life questions. As in all of life, in family law information is power - the power you need to make the right decisions for your current and future life.
2. You may want to develop a healthy suspicion of any advice or suggestion given by someone who stands to earn money directly from that advice or suggestion (such as attorneys or paralegals).
Remember, their information, education, tactics and strategies are based on the fact they stand to make money off of you if you follow their advice or suggestion. In other words, they have a financial vested interest in what they tell you. On the other hand, you need to be a pro-active partner with your attorney or paralegal. If you can not get objective unemotional and unattached answers to your real questions from co-workers, family, friends, attorneys or paralegals, then from whom do you get the information and education you need?
3. You may want to seek out a nonprofit organization.
The best way to become involved, informed and educated is to seek out a nonprofit organization or group in which you have faith and in which you feel you can trust and rely upon. Do some research, find out about their reputation, then use this nonprofit group or organization as a sounding board for what is happening in your case and listen to their suggestions and experiences. This series of articles is a great way for you to gain education and information to consider for your case.
4. You may want to gather any and all information you can about divorce or paternity actions. Knowledge and information is power in the family court game.
5. You may want to put together a record of all marital facts including, but not limited to, a list of all assets and all debts.
Get together copies of all tax returns, copies of all pay stubs, copies of all bills including, but not limited to utility payments, credit cards, car payments, house purchase agreements and monthly payments, a list of any and all other bills or expenses, a listing of all assets such as your cars, house or major purchases, etc., and a copy of all important papers such as life, auto, home or medical insurance policies and copies of all retirements accounts. In other words, a copy of anything and everything dealing with any form of asset, debt or important papers. If you do not have, can not find or can not get your records, seek out a good nonprofit organization. With years of experience, they can assist you in obtaining your records. You do not need to hire a high priced attorney to do that which you can do for yourself.
6. You may want to start and maintain a written log, journal, diary or history of all significant events, no matter how small they may initially appear.
Many things are going to be happening in your changing world. Hopefully, most happenings will be peaceful. However, it may be critical to document events for future hearings or other legal actions. You need to note such events as the dates and times when you have the children with you, when you paid support (and how much you paid), and other relevant events. In other words, keep a chronological diary (with pictures if possible) of all family law related events or situations. Consult your support group, paralegal service or attorney for additional specifics of what needs to be documented.
By: Marvin Chapman & Dedicated Fathers
www.dedicatedfathers.org
Go through your divorce knowledgeable and in control.
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Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Mediation & Collaborative approach as compared to the Adversarial Divorce approach
Mediation and Collaborative Approaches as Compared to the Adversarial Approach
www.dedicatedfathers.org
In the adversarial approach, the definition of the issues is primarily determined by the attorneys. In mediation and collaborative approaches, the issues are defined by the parents. In the adversarial approach, the legal framework for the action is John vs Jane, the emphasis is on the individual. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the legal framework for the action is John and Jane, the emphasis is on the couple and their reorganizing and restructuring family.
In the adversarial approach, the parents relationship is focused on past issues, blaming, shaming, mistrust and revenge. In mediation and collaborative approaches, the parents relationship is focused on restructuring family issues, reorganizing styles of communication, and cooperation. The parents relationship creates conflicts with their children, loyalties are divided and rewards are received for alienating the children against the other parent - creating adjustment problems for the children. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the parents relationship focuses on preserving both parents’ relationships with their children.
In the adversarial approach, the court decides the parenting plan (regardless of the fact the judge has no idea what is best for this family). In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the parents decide the best parenting plan for them and their restructuring family. In the adversarial approach, the expense to the parents can be and typically is enormous. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the expense is less, and many time times much less - thereby allowing the restructuring family to keep control over more of their assets.
In the adversarial approach, the time to conclusion can be extensive (after all, more time means more money for the attorneys). In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the time to conclusion is almost totally controlled by the parents. There is usually no confidentiality and the issues are open for public exposure. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, there is total confidentiality and the issues are not open for public exposure.
In the adversarial approach, the goal and desired outcome is to win at all costs, giving in as little as possible to gain as much as possible from the judge. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, the goal and desired outcome is to come to a fair, reasonable, equitable and mutually acceptable agreement as determined by the restructuring family.
With the adversarial approach, adherence to the terms of the court order is far from certain and typically will create the atmosphere of even more mistrust, which results in even more court hearings in the future. In the mediation and collaborative approaches, adherence to the terms of the agreement are far more likely since the terms of the agreement were negotiated and agreed upon by the parents themselves, therefore lessening the chances of returning for additional court hearings in the future.
By: Marvin Chapman
www.unitedfathers.org
Visit www.dedicatedfathers.org today!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Affirmations and thoughts for growth
www.dedicatedfathers.org
Affirmations are solemn personal declarations that you hold and believe are true. While sometimes you may already believe in the truth of an affirmation, some affirmations can be used to change our thinking from that which is negative and self-defeating, into thinking that is positive and self-affirming. The affirmations and thoughts for growth found in this section are my personal affirmations which at one time were my salvation. Therefore, if you become discouragement and full of despair, you might want to read the following affirmations. In fact, you may want to do what I did, read them over and over again until you do actually start to believe in them.
Warning: Positive thoughts and positively impact your behaviors, positive behaviors can attract a multitude of people, out of a multitude of people, you just might discover the one person who can make your life full, joyful and fun again. Please feel free to add to this list as you come across those affirmations and thoughts for growth that are meaningful to you. We can never have enough positive self-talk, we already know the amount of negative stuff that gets in our brains every day.
Remember, if I do not affirm myself in my way, others surely will in their way.
“I would rather be criticized for doing that which I know to be right,
than to be praised for doing that which I know to be wrong.”
-Marvin L. Chapman
“Love is something that you can leave behind when you die. It’s that powerful.”
-John (Fire) Lame Dear, Rosebud Lakota
“Think you can, or think you can’t, either way you will be right.”
-Henry Ford
“We may misunderstand, but we do not mis-experience.”
-Vine Deloria, Jr., Standing Rock Sioux
“If you throw you head over the wall, your body will follow.”
-Quote found among father’s-in-law papers after he passed away
“Argument doesn’t pay, you don’t come home happy.”
-Oral Tradition, Hopi
“I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.”
-Booker T. Washington
“Crisis changes people and turns ordinary people into wiser or more
responsible ones.”
-Wilma P. Mankiller, Cherokee
“Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe
and enthusiastically act upon, must inevitably come to pass.”
-Paul J. Meyer
“Those who know how to play can easily leap over the adversaries of life.
And one who knows how to sing and laugh never brews mischief.”
-Proverb, Iglulik
“Try not to become a man of success, rather become a man of value.”
-Albert Einstein
“Not everything that is faced can be changed,
but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
-James Baldwin
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters,
compared to what lies within us.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Forgive the past. Live today with integrity, and the future will be kind to you.”
-Marlena Chapman
For more thoughts and affirmations visit www.unitedfathers.org
Please visit www.dedicatedfathers.org
By: Dedicated Fathers
Divorce, custody, and Family court...A National Epidemic
www.dedicatedfathers.org
www.unitedfathers.org
I was first introduced to the family court a few years ago when a family member was in his third go-around with the Family Court system. Every time his ex-wife and her attorney thought there was another chance to extract more money out of him, he would be called back into court. He is the father of three little girls and would do just about anything keep them, and it seems that his love for his children are exactly what the family court system and attorneys were preying on. I witnessed first hand how the family court system contains some kind of intentional design and implementation to be purposely confusing and frustrating, and how it leaves you at the mercy of an attorney and a biased system that will do everything in their power to extract as much money out of you as possible. I have met plenty of honest, hard working men who have every right to enjoy custody, or joint custody of their children and have spent over $300,000 fighting for that right. There are many others I’ve met who have lost in family court due to the simple fact that they did not have enough money to fight for their god given right to be a parent and father to their children.
It’s kind of funny how in the sate of California a divorce attorney is more expensive than a criminal attorney. Maybe that is because the divorce rate in California is reported to be as high as 75%, compared to the national average of 50%. It behooves the family court system to operate like an automotive car company. They now design engines that you cannot work on by yourself, and manufacture special tools that you must have before you can replace parts on your car and you can only buy these parts at the manufacturer’s dealerships. It is the life-support system of the entire capitalist animal. The sad part about the family court system is that children and society are suffering at the hands of this mental manipulation. Children are being used as bargaining chips in the battle created by family law and divorce attorneys.
When children are involved in a divorce, attorneys will often advise their clients to charge the other party with a slue of accusation’s like sexual abuse or physical violence. Lawyers are telling their clients to lie to get an ex parte order against the other party. This is often then used at trial to gain custody, property, attorney's fees, and child support. Judges often know lawyers use this tactic, but allow it to continue. The rules of professional conduct prohibit lawyers from doing these things but in reality these rules are not enforced. Family court judges turn a blind eye to lawyer misconduct and allow lawyers who have the moral flexibility to continue to practice law in family courts. The courts need to pay attention to these accusations but, also need to punish parties found guilty of lying to the court in order to take advantage of the protective system. Often, like in the state of Missouri, ethical standards stated in the rules of professional conduct are ignored. Trial judges will refer ethical complaints to the Chief Disciplinary Counsel. The Disciplinary Counsel then refuses to consider any complaints while the case is open and refers the matter back to the trial judge, and no one hears about the compliant.
The system and the process as a whole does not heal...it hurts! Child custody battles fuel domestic violence. You have a family unit that one day is law abiding and functioning in society, and the next day is held hostage by the family court system and attorneys. Going through the family court process can take years, especially with no laws governing the attorneys’ behavior. A divorce attorney can take a retainer that is sometimes as much as $15,000 and then deceide to drop the client. They might also not do anything to prepare for the case or, with less than a week before trial, drop the case, leaving the client stranded while still keeping the retainer. If that isn’t enough, in some states you cannot even speak to the family court judge. This is the judge who is making a decision that will effect you and your children for the rest of your life. How is this fair?
Many times a lawyer will ask the court that one party pay the legal fees of the other party. Usually the working party pays for the non-working party... meaning mostly men. In this situation, the working spouse has to pay both lawyers fees, basically supplying the money to pay for his own destruction. With "someone else" paying the bill, there are no controls on spending except what is imposed by the court. And the courts aren't imposing spending limits. How is this fair?
It is no surprise that the scales of justice are titled in favor of the mother. They are that way partly for safety and in some ways for good reason but, this is greatly abused. The Family courts must always put the needs of families ahead of the profits of divorce attorneys and the need to feed the family court cash cow.
By: Dedicated Fathers
www.dedicatedfathers.org
Related Divorce content
Divorce support
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Dedicated Fathers, child custody, and Divorce
Dear Friend,
Since you are reading this, chances are, you, a close friend, or maybe even a family member are involved in the family court process, child custody battle, or engaged in a divorce. I want to assure you first and foremost...you are not alone.
Odds are you have been thrown into a world you do not understand. I have been where you are and I do understand. As someone who went through an emotional divorce process and child custody battle over 25 years ago, I understand just how confusing, frustrating and uncertain your divorce will be. For me, it was the hardest time of my life. I was frustrated, hurt, confused, and very anxious. I had no idea where to begin,and I had no idea what I was up against. I felt lost and alone.
Then, I met Mr. Rod Bivings, a father who started the childrens rights organization “United Fathers of America.” Rod too had been a Dedicated Father - a daddy who had been relegated to a visiting figure in his own kids’ lives. As he called it, he was “visiting uncle” to his kids, no longer viewed as a daddy even to his own children.
Rod gave me the education and information I needed to understand child custody issues and my fathers rights. He demystified the family court process and prepared me to confront my child custody issues, and my divorce. But more importantly, Rod helped me understand I was no longer alone, just as I am here now letting you know…you are not alone.
Having said all of that, I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to not only helping other parents organize their cases, but also helping them stay involved in all aspects of their children’s lives. As you read about Dedicated Fathers, let me reassure you again, YOU ARE NOT ALONE - there are thousands of other Dedicated Fathers out there just like you - just as anxious, just as scared about their futures, and just as confused by a system that constantly appears to be working against them.
With over 25 years of experience in the trenches, I have assisted tens of thousands of dedicated parents navigate through the maze of the family court system. Over eighty-percent (80%) of all family court litigants represent themselves. The Dedicated Fathers audio book series is a low cost alternative to high priced attorneys. There is no other self-help source in the marketplace that encompasses, not only the family court system, but also equally important, the emotional needs of both parents and children during the family restructuring process.
What kind of people represent themselves in Family Court?
Most people represent themselves because they can’t afford an attorney. Some people
represent themselves because they have been represented by attorneys in the past
and believe they can represent their own interests. The reality is many cases do
require an attorney. Use your best judgment and some guidelines to determine the
best course for your case. Remember….whether you hire an attorney or not, it is your
responsibility to keep your case organized and to keep yourself up to date.
The Dedicated Fathers Audio CD Series will teach you about how the Family Court system is designed to exaggerate and exacerbate any difficult situation between you and the other parent. How it REQUIRES both parents to tear the other apart. How it can take on a life of its own, and how it totally destroys family values - yet sustains itself because it is a multi-billion dollar business. You heard me right, family law is a multi-billion dollar industry in America.
The Dedicated Fathers Audio CD Series will show you that information is power, and that you will need all the power you can get. It will give you the education and information you need to make the right decisions for your situation, it will place you in a more powerful position when confronting the adversarial family court system. You will clearly see that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
A family law specialist attorney will cost you $300 per hour or perhaps, even more. I know this audio program and workbook will save you far more than just one (1) hour of time with your attorney. In fact, this program will pay for itself and help you choose the right attorney, which in itself will probably save you not only money, but time, energy and frustration as well.
Think about it, for less than the cost of one hour with a family law specialist, you can have the education and information constantly at your fingertips to empower you to take charge of you and your children’s future. Presenting yourself, your family information, and your case history in an organized and easy to understand manner to your attorney and to the court is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Why pay an attorney thousands of dollars to extract information from you about your case? Why not have a detailed case history ready to present to your attorney? This audio series will inform you on everything from how to dress in court, to what to do if your spouse is making false statements about you.
I have assisted thousands of families over the years and it has been my passion to share my experiences, my knowledge, and the information that I know will help you and your case. I know this series will help you better understand the family court system and guide you through the maze of the family court process.
You now have an idea of what you are facing, which leads us back to purpose of
The Dedicated Fathers Audio Book Series: To give you education and information based on my over 25 years of experience of working both inside and outside of the adversarial family court system.
Education and Information are necessary companions when going to battle within the Family Court system. Education about the family court process is the first step in regaining control of our lives and taking charge of our futures. Information about the family court system is essential to being successful, just as information about our jobs is essential to being successful at work.
Education - Education about the family court process to help you to regain control over your life and to assist you in taking charge of your future and your children’s future with you.
Information - Information about the family court system which will assist you, in being successful in your attempts for justice, fairness and equitable treatment within the family court system.
As a therapist, I can tell you research has shown that the death of an immediate family member is the number one most stressful event in a persons life.
Believe it or not, the second most stressful event in a persons life is involvement in the adversarial family court process.
And the third most stressful event in a persons life is a radical change of employment.
Let me give you an example:
I had a client whom I will call Bill. Bill came to me after being served divorce papers from his wife. They had 2 small children, about 5 and 7 years old. Regardless of the relationship between Bill and his wife, Bill had always been a very dedicated father. The divorce papers included an order that Bill was to leave the family home by 7:00 PM that night, and that he could not return to the family home. Therefore, within 24 hours, Bill went from being a husband and a father, to being kicked out of his house, and out of his children’s lives. Bill then had to take time off of work due to meetings with his attorney, court appearances, depositions, and other family court requirements. He missed so much work that his employer eventually fired him.
Now Bill was not only hit with the family court process, the 2nd most stressful time in a persons life, he was also hit with a radical change of employment, the 3rd most stressful time in a persons life. In less than a 4 month period of time, Bill was now confronting 2 of the top 3 life stressors a person will face. Through the months of the family court process, Bill was eventually allowed visitation with his children. Child support and all of the other issues were eventually settled; HOWEVER, by the time it was over - Bill was no longer the same person. He had gone from a 24 / 7 husband, father, provider and protector - to an unemployed, deeply hurt, angry and frustrated man.
Like Bill, your involvement in the adversarial family court system will include a roller-coaster ride of emotions (some of which you may have never experienced before), in addition there will be financial constraints and stresses, there will be the strain of trying to balancing your home, your work, and your need to be an active participant in your family court case.
Involvement in the adversarial family court system not only includes the confusing and mystical legal processes and procedures, it involves an entire system which is built and sustained on making your relationship with the other parent worse, not better. This will not be an easy time. When you come out of the family court process, you will clearly understand why your involvement in a divorce and child custody case are the second most stressful event you will ever experience.
In all of my experience I have found it is imperative that fathers stay true to themselves, never compromising their integrity or moral values which are sometimes lost while navigating the family court system. The Family Court System doesn’t care about you...and neither does your attorney...what they do care about is getting as much money out of you as possible.
Many of the anxious and confused feelings we experience are caused by a family court system that does not operate by any rules which we have previously experienced. The family court system is a world unto its own, with its own rules and procedures. The most difficult facet of this new world is that the judge in family court is given wide discretionary powers unlike any other judge in any other area of law. In family court, there is nothing to stop the biases, prejudices, and personal beliefs of the judge from influencing their decisions.
Remember Bill, who we talked about earlier who had gone from a 24/7 husband, father, provider and protector - to an unemployed, deeply hurt, angry and frustrated man? Bill had come into my office after being totally devastated by the system. We worked on rehabilitating his image and his case for court. We did some case management and case history organization. We then outlined a game plan and took our plan to an attorney.
I also counseled with Bill to help turn his thinking around. Armed with information and education, Bill’s thinking went from victim or reactive, to confident and pro-active. With this new way of thinking and a more positive attitude, Bill was able to find a new better paying job. Bill was one of the lucky ones. Lucky because he gained the information and education he needed to put himself in a more powerful position, both with his family court case, and with his new employment.
Bill had endured. He had not given up. He discovered he was not alone.
Like Bill…………you are no longer alone.
A Dedicated Father
www.dedicatedfathers.org
www.unitedfathers.org
