Sunday, April 22, 2007

Divorce & Child Custody - Child Abuse

Divorce & Child Custody:
ALLEGATIONS OF CHILD ABUSE


Part 1 of 2
By: Marvin Chapman
www.dedicatedfathers.org
www.unitedfathers.org

Research verifies mothers are responsible for 49% of all child abuse cases (with other relatives, strangers and fathers making up the other 51%).

In family court, twice as many mothers make child abuse allegations against fathers as do fathers against mothers.

Therefore, the mother making the allegation of child abuse against the father in a divorce is much more likely to be the perpetrator of the abuse than is the father.

Unfortuantely, the above facts are totally ignored by family courts.

In family court, the normal standards of evidence required for common criminals do not apply. In family court, child abuse allegations require no proof, no validation, no verification, no police reports, nor any other tangible evidence - the mere unsubstantiated allegation will do. Research proves upon the accusation of child abuse in family court, the presumption of guilt is taken for granted by the majority of attorneys and judges. Therefore, in family court, unsubstantiated hearsay allegations of abuse is all it takes for a father to be “guilty,” along with all the consequences which go with that “guilty” verdict. From the onset, the father will be treated as though he were found guilty in a real court.

Because the presumption of guilt is taken for granted by the majority of attorneys and judges in family court, the father will almost immediately be separated from his children - at least until he can “prove” his innocence. How does a father prove his innocence? How does he prove something did not happen? The reality is, he can’t. The very fact something did not happen prevents him from proving the non-happening of the non-event. It is a very well known and accepted fact that you can not prove the non-happening of a non-event - that is, except in family court.

During a divorce, the mere allegation of child abuse can and most of the time will cause an irreparable breakdown of the accused parent-child relationship. At the very least the previously healthy parent-child relationship will be disrupted and interfered with unnecessarily. The accused parent will typically become defensive and in the effort to prove their innocence, they will many times unwittingly distance themselves from their child, which is then used against them as verification of some form of abuse. With false allegations of abuse only the mothers win - fathers, children and father-child relationships all lose in some way or another.

Research also shows that mothers often obtain sole custody of their child, terminate visitation with the father, and then request an increase in child support due to the reduced time the father has with their child. All of these consequences tearing apart the restructuring family and damaging the father-child relationship, destroying the father emotionally, and injuring the father financially, are all built around simple unfounded false allegations and hearsay.

Many times the falsely accused parent is stigmatized and their reputation tarnished by the false allegations. This stigma and tarnished reputation may stay with them even if they are eventually found to be factually innocent. Many innocent men lose their jobs, become depressed and walk away from it all. In today’s fear filled society, the mere allegation of child abuse within family court can damage a person for the rest of their lives. Personally, I have had clients commit suicide over such abuse allegations - even after they were determined to be factually innocent of all charges. They could not take their neighbors, former friends and co-workers continued scorn and ridicule.

Regardless of the dire consequences of destroying a man’s life, false allegations of abuse, both spousal and child, are allowed to continue unabated in family court around this country. What most people seem to miss is the fact that it is the children who suffer the most with false allegations of abuse in that their relationship with one of their parents will be irretrievably impaired. Issues of abandonment, rejection, hurt and an overwhelming sense of loss will accompany most of these children for the rest of their lives.

Whether fiction, fantasy, legal ploy, or some other reason, false allegations of abuse are an indication the accusing parent is at the very least immature and over-enmeshed, and at worse, malicious, vindictive and prone to do anything to make the other parent “pay” for their perceived wrongs.

What makes false allegations of spousal abuse and child abuse so absurd is that when the parents were together, the accused parent was a good, decent and trusted parent. But once the breakup began, the accused parent was magically transformed into a mean, angry, abusing man. Why the family court can not see this fact is beyond any sound logical reasoning.

The use of false allegations of spousal abuse and child abuse will only stop when the standard is raised wherein a parent must prove the abuse, verify, validate and substantiate the allegations. Until then, families will continue to be abused by the very system which alleges concerned about the “best interests of the child.” Abusing a parent through false allegations, treating the falsely accused parent as guilty, making orders emotionally rather than logically and with proof, validation, verification and substantiation, are not and will never be in the “best interests of the child.”

Fathers who only months ago were good care-giving, productive and protective fathers are now child abusers. It is insane the courts even allow most of these cases. A simple third party investigation, short and inexpensive, would prove not only did the alleged abuse not happen, the mother knew her allegation was untrue when she made it. Then, and only then, will there cease to be an incentive for these false allegations to be made in the first place.

Like spousal abuse, child abuse allegations require no proof, validation, verification, police reports or any other tangible evidence - the mere unsubstantiated allegation will do very nicely by itself. Just as in false allegations of spousal abuse, false allegations of child abuse are extremely common in family court. Given the current heightened awareness of child abductions and child abuse nationally, there is a lot of emotions around the allegations of child abuse - and family court is almost totally governed by emotions.

Family court judges are given wide discretionary powers unlike any other area of law. This vast discretionary power of family court judges allows them to make their orders without ever having to justify and without ever giving sound logical reasoning for the orders they make.

Just like false allegations of spousal abuse, the mere allegation of child abuse is a winner for mothers. In the majority of cases, the mere allegation of child abuse will subject the father to parenting classes (money), supervised visitation with their children (more money) and a higher child support order (much more money).

If for any reason you suspect the other parent may make allegations against you, if the other parent has a history of repeatedly getting really angry with you, or if the other parent has ever made other false allegations against you (“You don’t love me anymore.”), then you need to take steps to protect yourself and your children.

The Author of this article, Marvin Chapman, has a great website devoted to father’s rights and child custody. Why not check it out? www.dedicatedfathers.org

Also be sure to visit www.unitedfathers.org

114 comments:

Anonymous said...

How is this all possible? It amazes me that this type of abuse of the system can go on. Thank you for the heads up Mr Chapman.

russell said...

I have been living this nightmare for years. I think it is time for men to start taking a stand. My ex-wife has said horible things to my son. He is now 31 and thinks I am a monster. When the truth is she had an affair with my best friend. Infact she is married to him now. So my son would not find out she used every trick in the book to take him away and did it sucessfully. She was the abuser and still is. Me and my son will pay forever. If I can help one person, I will be happy. Losing a child in divorce is worse then if they die. At least if they die you understand why you can not see them.But when they are alive you worry everyday if they are safe, having agood childhood, if they are being abused.

Dan said...

Five days ago, I got into a verbal and brief argument with my wife of 20 years. To change the topic, I approached her afterwards and asked her to go to the store to get some fresh air, perhaps.

At midnight, she was not home, and my daughter was missing. I could not sleep, and called the cops the following morning. I told the lady cop the situation, and she told me I sould file a restraining order agains my spouse- to protect myself. I told the cop that I have no desire to harm my family in any way, but appreciated her recommendation. This conversation was occcuring at about 1 p.m. 3 hours later, two cop cars and 4 officers showed up at my front door. two had pulled weapons, and another put me in handcuffs. This was all to hand me a restraining order to avoid those I love. The false allegations by my spouse has created slander, libel, stress, and a greater awareness of who I marry. I am presently fighting this ordeal with the judge at the courthouse. I stole documents from one of those two cop cars that afternoon, and some of these documents contained what my wife annotated what I did to her that was abuse. It was a lousy piece of fiction, but will work to my benefit now that I know how to point out the intentional deceptions my wife annotated.

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Jules said...

I have been looking for a Father Support Group for exactly the unfair and horrible situation I am in. If you know of any let me know.

I don't even need to go into detail about my situation, since you describe it perfectly -- false accusations, presumption of guilt, police, handcuffs, etc. In the end, my ex-wife got 70% of my money, and custody of my 3 kids (I got 4 days visitation - 34 hours a month). That was 3.5 years ago. This year, she came after me again, with different false allegations. I lost my kids completely -- no communications whatsoever are allowed for years.

Women are allowed to make any accusations they want to without proof. They, and their lawyers know that the worse the accusations, the better chances of getting the kids, and the judges on their side.

I was a wonderful father like you describe, and magically one day she threw me out and I was a "monster".

I know that my ex- is now influencing my kids against me. How can I be so sure of this -- because it's exactly what my mother did to me after she divorced my father when I was 9 years old. I never saw him again.

I'm very sad and depressed about losing my kids. I know I have to move on, but everything reminds me of them. It hurts... a lot

Brian said...

It is amazing how many cases are out there where the system is failing to address the problem.We need to spread the word and force someone to make a stand and stand up for our children.
http://childrenmatter-bb.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Although this is more likely to happen to fathers, remember that the same punishment can be heaped upon mothers in family court as well. It does happen, every day. The system is broken for everyone. Nobody wins. Not even the "winner."

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i have been living with this for about 10 years. after breaking up with my ex gf, she said that my son told her that i was "playing with him" he told the investigators that i in no way did what she said. later she manipulated my son into making a report against me of abuse. i was immediately found guilty by dhs in iowa and was only able to prove my innocence because the therapist that i have been taking him to for several years took the time to find out the truth. he admitted that his mom told him to make the accusations. i was told to take anger management class, parenting classes, and get a psych eval. no problem. i figured it couldn't hurt even though i have taken the parenting class a couple years before by my choice. i figured a refresher couldn't hurt. two days after the court let me go with minimal damage, i had my son for reg visitation.( i have 45% visitation schedule)i should point out that my ex was furious that i didn't go to jail or lose custody. i had a normal weekend with my son and his mother wanted to take him to an event on Sunday and said she would return him by 5 that night. long story short allegations were made 20 min after she picked him up that i spanked him 15 times leaving bruises. i immediately lost all visitation with my son till this case is finished and face criminal charges now that will destroy my job as a doctor before i even finish school for it. i don't spank my son anymore because i found it ineffective after he hit 7 or so. regardless i am guilty until i can prove my innocent. his mother is very abusive and will do anything to get her way. DHS is very sexist and has ignored abuse claims made by many people over the years against her. every claim against me has immediately resulted in a guilty until proven innocent reaction from dhs and the courts. at this point she has total custody and will be able to assure my son keeps to his story. thank you DHS for delivering my son straight into the hands of his abuser. being the guy that follows the rules is a sure way to lose when facing an evil vindictive mother such as my ex.

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